Brilliant!

"If someone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago." — Carla Gordon

I used to be my own worst critic. It's entirely possible - if not certain - that I still am. But I've learned to turn it down. And be less judgemental. Try to see what lessons presented themself and how I can best utilize them. Now, it's all about growth. Not punishment and self-abuse.



I used to quite regularly call myself an idiot throughout the day. I thought it foolish to deny my acts of idiocy as anything other than what I felt they were. This would focus my mind on the negative and it's what I would perceive, what I would experience. I used to mock the optimists, the naive, the "foolish".

A friend of mine used to ride me quite hard over this. He argued quite adamently that not only was there no benefit to this behaviour, it was actually harmful. I can no longer remembered how I was able to argue against this, but I did. I have since come around.

The key for me has been to learn how to stop judging as much as I can. Noting all my successes and believing I'm hot shit isn't a whole lot better in the long run than thinking I'm a piece of shit because of all my failures.

It is much more important for me now to instead to try and discern what I need to do to be who I can be to my fullest abilities. I believe that it is good to grow, to challenge myself, to strive for "impossible things". Or at least aim for goals that will enrich my life in some meaningful way. This requires that I first love myself. I have still not figured out how to convice someone to love themself. Other than to give them my own love. Which has been insufficient more than a few times.

So now I very rarely call myself an idiot. If I do something really silly. Something which in hind-sight is glaringly dumb and doomed to not work as intended. And I really need to acknowleege to myself that "yes indeed, I am at times a real bonehead". At these moments I may say to myself - "brilliant!"

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-- Sent from my palm Pre