Friday, April 23, 2010

Demons of the Abyss

For my first essay, I am using an old letter I sent to a good friend of mine a few years ago. I am sure I can come up with more original material soon enough. I really like this essay, and I feel it is worth sharing a little further. I wrote it while still in active addiction, but I like it all the same. It is about our little inner negative voices, the ones that call us worthless and a failure. I like to refer to them as demons.



This will be no scholarly report, just the ramblings of an addict who has fought more than his share of demonic battles. I have tried my best to stick with only my own ideas, but I must acknowledge borrowing heavily from Paul Levy's awakeninthedream material. His work resonates too strongly for me to disregard and forget it.


The central idea of this little essay is that our Demons arise when what we believe to be true, isn't. Belief is what creates and sustains them, belief in anything. This is built upon my second point, "if you believe it (or not), then it's true (or not)." There is a Buddhist saying along these lines which says: "As a thing is viewed, so it appears." The world is a dream, and you are the dreamer. And you have more control than you realize over what happens in the dream - although as a whole it is a collective effort, but we all have our roles to play. When we are not in full control over what we create within the dream, all sorts of nasty demons are given form.


I should explain some of my beliefs on religion and spirituality. I myself believe that faith is just a self-hypnotic tool. It allows people to strive onwards in the face of tragedy and adversity, and helps give meaning where it seems there is none otherwise. It is a very useful tool, but still a tool. This belief makes faith very difficult for me. It's why I try to have opinions, not beliefs, because they are much more flexible and easily changed (for me at least). Some people have trouble even changing their opinions, never mind their beliefs, which for most are set in stone. With faith or without, the meaning is supplied by the "viewer". You may believe God gives meaning, but in actuality it is this belief that supplies meaning. Some people (who usually profess to have no faith) claim life is meaningless, and for them life undoubtedly confirms this for them over and over - as viewed, so appears. I know life is it's own meaning (some would call this a belief, I believe I have direct experience and knowledge of this "fact"). As viewed, so appears - for me life continuously affirms this, although I still struggle to accept it.

To me an opinion is a less rigid belief. Something you think or feel, without necessarily having really thought too deeply on it, or being fully informed of all the details, it's almost something more intuitive, as opposed to knowledge gleaned from direct and actual experience. It's interesting that a common definition given for both terms is "A vague idea in which some confidence is placed". Faith is usually defined as a strong belief. For the purpose of this discussion I will go with the following:

belief - Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something;
opinion - a personal belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty;
faith - Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence;

Demons are usually thought of as external entities, usually malevolent in nature, if not outright Evil. It is thought that they thrive (or are at least driven) on human suffering. When someone's actions are especially vile, demonic influence is often cited. A person who is thought to have succumbed to demons is often described as having done so "in a moment of weakness". It is implied that strength is required to maintain successful vigilance against them. They thrive in darkness. This usually refers to both a lack of light (and all it symbolizes, here mainly knowledge and awareness - enlightenment) and to the darker side of us - that which is evil, or lacking in "goodness". A moment of weakness occurs when one forsakes the "light" - all that is good - in favor of feeding selfish desires, usually at the expense of others. It is this desire to put oneself above others (as opposed to just raising up one's self) that is key to invoking demonic aid. In the end the cost is always paid by the one doing the deal, but awareness of this fact always comes too late.

Here is a fairly typical definition:
Demon - 1. An evil supernatural being; a devil. 2. A persistently tormenting person, force, or passion: the demon of drug addiction. 3. One who is extremely zealous, skillful, or diligent: worked away like a demon; a real demon at math.

They must be supernatural, because the person surely couldn't have been responsible for their actions. And they are extremely diligent and zealous in their persistent drive in the pursuit of anguish and torment. I myself don't really believe in the supernatural, at least not in the traditional sense. To me demons are repressed/suppressed mental functions, best described with the label of "demon". I find the following definition of demon especially apt:

demon - n. 1. [MIT] A portion of a program that is not invoked explicitly, but that lies dormant waiting for some condition(s) to occur. See daemon. The distinction is that demons are usually processes within a program, while daemons are usually programs running on an operating system.

Taking all that into consideration, I would define demons as the following: - unacknowledged mental processes, lying outside of normal conscious awareness (often dormant) waiting for any opportunity to exert influence over a person's life. For the most part this refers to those processes which result in negative consequences. We notice those ones more readily. Positive results we prefer to credit towards our conscious decisions and actions. Sometimes this isn't always possible, in which case God, a "guardian angel" or some other type of supernatural entity may be credited.

Demons live in the abyss between what IS and what SHOULD BE. What IS is the universe we live in and the consciousness that sustains it, the true (objective) "reality". "True Reality" is incomprehensible to the our current operating system, since it requires separating ourselves from it in order to do so "objectively/scientifically" (objectify), which is just not possible. In order to comprehend the incomprehensible we project a symbolic construct, in a manner we can more easily accept and understand. What SHOULD BE is the sum of all our beliefs, what most of people perceive as reality. Most do not see the reality that is all around them, within them, and embracing them. They see instead all that they believe projected without, over top of reality, filtering what they cannot, will not see, revealing (and often focusing upon) that which they wish to see (that which reaffirms their own reality - what SHOULD BE). Some things are altered, some things are created. The end result can be anything, and the gulf between what IS and what SHOULD BE can be vast indeed.

Most identify themselves based upon what SHOULD BE. This often does not match with what IS. Parts of self are neglected in darkness, to fester and breed demons. Parts of self will not be denied indefinitely. Self will express itself, one way or another. Wishing you are something you are not does not make those aspects disappear. Demons can be thought of as citizens expressing dissent with the government. Repression can have short term results, but in the long term disaster is inevitable.

Demons arise from the conflict between what IS and what SHOULD BE. What SHOULD BE arises from the conflict between what COULD BE and what MIGHT BE. What COULD be is what we hope for. What we desire. What we wish for. Good or Evil, selfish or self-less, is irrelevant. This is our optimism, our reward. What MIGHT BE is what we fear. The unknown consequences that we are not prepared for. This is our pessimism, our punishment. Both are distractions that breed demons. Reality IS. Reality is NOW. Both deny right NOW in favor of LATER. Demons gain strength as the hold on the HERE and NOW weakens. As this hold is strengthened, as the gulf is narrowed, so too is the demon's strength and influence weakened. The self is more fully illuminated (enlightened), with no darkness needing to be expressed.


That was my little trip into what I think of the word DEMON. Hope you enjoyed it, or at least don't regret the time spent reading it. My opinions on many of these matters have changed in the past year or two since I wrote this. For one thing, I have gained a greater awareness, understanding and acceptance of FAITH. I am not saying I have become a practicing member of any particular religion. But I have accepted the existence of a power greater than myself, and it's role in my life. At the time when I wrote this essay I was in active addiction, and I have since found my way back to recovery. I am by no means "cured" of the disease of addiction. But I am clean and sober, at least for today anyways. Perhaps I may write more on my revised opinions on these things. But I am currently transforming myself and my core beliefs, so I don't know if should just yet. We shall see what happens.


For having lived long, I have experienced many instances of being obliged, by better information or fuller consideration, to change opinions, even on important subjects, which I once thought right but found to be otherwise. Benjamin Franklin

No comments:

Post a Comment