Brilliant!

"If someone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago." — Carla Gordon

I used to be my own worst critic. It's entirely possible - if not certain - that I still am. But I've learned to turn it down. And be less judgemental. Try to see what lessons presented themself and how I can best utilize them. Now, it's all about growth. Not punishment and self-abuse.

Changing Habits

Great! More distractions....

"Habits are safer than rules; you don't have to watch them. And you don't have to keep them either. They keep you." — Frank Crane

It's proving a little more difficult than I expected to get more writing (blogging) into my routine. I have been able to reduce my Twitter time a bit, but that has just turned into more FaceBook and web surfing instead of more writing. At least the Mash Pit continues to grow and improve - imho.

Priorities and Twitter

"At some point you start seeing the difference between what you really want, and what is your priority order. I feel that today I know what I want. That's the problem with perspective, as well as focus and concentration." - Nick Cave

Judging by the frequency of my posting here over past month or so it would appear that I have experienced another dry-spell as far as this blog is concerned. That wouldn't be an accurate portrait of my creative output. I have not experienced anything remotely resembling writer's block. Far from it. I have been just bursting with ideas.

Canuckleheads

I've been thinking about starting another blog. One devoted to all things Canuck. I am a huge fan and already do a bit of writing on the subject on FaceBook and a few forums. Time is the biggest factor stopping me at this time. So for now I will just deal with any such cravings by writing here.

Belief Is Underrated

Someone recently told that it was his belief that "belief is overrated". He didn't actually say that this was his "belief" - he left that part unstated - he just made the statement as if it was a fact and that no disclaimer of "opinion" was necessary. I find that I run into this all the time. People like to state opinions as facts, that they "know the truth". I've probably done it myself more recently than I would prefer to admit.

Shivoham

I cannot stop listening to this amazing mantra. There are two versions that I have. I discovered this one second, and I think I am liking this one better - at the moment at least. I really love it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aMLiGO2eqA - Manish Vyas "Shivoham"

This mantra is an affirmation of my true self. "I am the soul and not the body" I am Shiva!

The Teaching Gambit

Sometiimes my feelings can be hurt by the words of another. If that other is someone really important to me than inurring myself against such pain can be very difficult. But this should not be a very large problem when the other is just an acquaintance, or a stranger.

When my feelings are hurt by a statement it is probably because I have grown to attached to my opinions. My opinions are not my self. There exceptions of course. It is perfectly fine to be upset because of bad news (you're fired, there's been an accident, etc.) but not because someone has labelled me or disagreed with one of my opinions.

Facebook Time

Despite growing performance issues, my Pre continues to grow in the significance of the role it plays in my daily life. This is because of the Notes app (which I am using even now to write this) and because of FaceBook. I really love FB. I hear many people complain about how much time they "waste on CrackBook" but I am not a member of that whiners club.

"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time." - Bertrand Russell

Lucky Days

Danger from Above!

Fucking Shithawks.

I really do love all of God's creatures, but lately I seem to run a-fowl of the feathered ones. I swear they've been out to get me.

Life At Work

It was a strange day. Synchronicities abounded. Just little things, but it seems like I am getting better at going with the flow. I am a believer in the idea that the Universe will present me with greater challenges as my abilities grow. Today was one of those days.

Golden Memories

Hitching across this great country
Stuck on the road to Golden

I see it as an opportunity
To fully enjoy the mountains

I am oh so thankful for the music 
I carried with me on that Golden highway

I will always see those mountains in my mind
Whenever I hear the song Holiday

I will never forget all the places
I seen on my amazing journey

The characters behind the faces
And their influence on my reality

http://ferenczyram.blogspot.com - my personal blog
http://ferenczypre.blogspot.com/ - webOS & Palm
http://ferenczymu.blogspot.com/ - youtube masups

-- Sent from my palm Pre

Random Musicians

I love living downtown in the Eastcide! Lately I keep running into random musicians, and not the usual buskers either. In fact they don't even take money.

Last night there was some kind of marching band on the corner at Pain & Wastings.

Today there was a ragtime jazz band in Gastown. Pretty cool for sure.

http://ferenczyram.blogspot.com - my personal blog
http://ferenczypre.blogspot.com/ - webOS & Palm
http://ferenczymu.blogspot.com/ - youtube mashups

-- Sent from my palm Pre

Life In The Park

Oppenheimer Park has got it's own storey, and it's a rather interesting one. But one for another day.
http://www.miss604.com/2010/07/oppenheimer-park-profile.html

It has played a prominent role in my own life. As part of both the Olympic legacy and the stimulus package the park recently underwent a significant upgrade. 
http://vancouver.ca/parks/info/planning/oppenheimer/index.htm

Some people were sceptical that it was a good idea. The money spent, and/or closing the park for nearly a year. (my friend and neighbour Delayne was quite upset)
http://www.straight.com/article-238653/neighbours-decry-oppenheimer-park-closure

I think it was money well spent and the new park is living up to it's potential. The dealers are still there on the west side (Dunlevy St.). But the new playground and clubhouse on the East side (Jackson St.) are seeing allot of use. Although this was true of the old building, what is new is the sound of children playing and laughing. It was a great thing to see and hear this afternoon. It's a beautiful thing to have children playing in the heart of the DTES.

http://ferenczyram.blogspot.com - my personal blog
http://ferenczypre.blogspot.com/ - webOS & Palm
http://ferenczymu.blogspot.com/ - youtube mashups

-- Sent from my palm Pre

Love Is

Love is many things
This I feel is true.

Love is more than just
How I feel for you

It is the force that makes rain
Fall towards the ground

It is the void inside me
When you're not around

It is the plants striving up
Towards the Sun

It is the interconnectedness
That makes us all of one

It is the force that binds
All the atoms together

The root and cause of hurricanes
And all other kinds of weather

It is the underlying drive
Behind all the world's strife

It is both cause and effect
The true meaning of life

Sent from my palm Pre

Manifesting Chaos

"All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure."  - Mark Twain

Reality is a tricky concept. There are many appropriate adjectives. One that I don't often hear is malleable. I believe that my thoughts have a strong influence on the world around me and over time actually manifest into reality. I am not referring to some sort of magical ability to make things appear or happen without doing the necessary work. Not really. The thoughts I think play a huge role in what actually happens to me.

A Fool's Errand

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."
— Douglas Adams (Mostly Harmless)

This is my attempt at explaining how to "know thyself". Results may vary - use at your own risk!  Based on my own experience, intuition and imagination!

Democrastic Gridlock

This is something I wrote on FaceBook in response to some ideas on how to make the world a better, more just place to be human. A few people were advocating armed struggle while others advocated dismantling the Political Party system or encouraging people to drop off the grid.

Rioting would be fun (for a few minutes before the terror sets in) but in the end we would be left with a big mess, a big bill and a lot less freedom. As far as using 21st century technology to get off the grid, that's just silly, not to mention a bit of an oxymoron. But if you are bound and determined to get the hell out of Dodge then I say good riddance. Selfish quitters aren't likley to be much help in this struggle.

Can't Force It

"...i may not be able
to change the world i see
around me...but,
i can change the way
i see the world, within me."
- Brock Tully

Some things can't be forced. I look back over this month and last and I can't help but notice a significant reduction in my creative output. While I have been writing quite a bit elsewhere, I am still a little disappointed. I think one of the reasons I have published less here is because I have been trying to "direct" my writing too much. Instead of just "writing" I have been trying too hard to say something specific. I have learned (or should have) long ago that my writing doesn't quite work that way. 

I do have a number of partially completed essays that I hope to finish one day. In the mean time I will try and get back to "just writing" and maybe I can try and equal last months output again. I feel the fires building back up and I'm confident that I will not lack for inspiration if I maintain a little discipline.

I was thinking that one reason I've been less creative is because I've had a bit of the blahs (probably not unrelated to the cold I caught). It occurs to me now that this is all more reason to write! They are intermingled. I feel icky, I don't write. I don't write I feel icky. I feel good, I write. I write, I feel good. So I may as well write regardless of how I am feeling at the time. Sounds like a good plan to me.

http://ferenczyram.blogspot.com - my personal blog
http://ferenczypre.blogspot.com/ - webOS & Palm
http://ferenczymu.blogspot.com/ - youtube mashups

-- Sent from my palm Pre

Work is a 4 letter word

I like to bring it back to Star Trek...

It is all too common to hear people bitching and moaning about how "they" are screwing everything up, and how much better everything would be if not for "them" and how "I had to do those terrible things I did because 'they' left me no choice."

Still Here

For some strange reason my phone decided to reset itself on Monday. I lost all data that wasn't in the cloud, which really sucked. Especially any appointments that I stored in outline tracker. A real drag all around. The phone did reload all my apps, and I didn't lose my contacts. I am now less in love with OT. I used to really love it, but the lack of decent cloud backup has really bitten me on the ass.

The phone had been acting little strange. I may have gone a little overboard on the homebrew. I loaded up pretty much everything that sounded interesting. What is weird is that none of my homebrew apps reloaded, but I still have some of the patches. I see battery as a %, and I have my apps in 4 columns, over 5 pages. Very strange overall.

I am still readjusting my lifestyle to my new home and my new tools. Hopefully I will only take me a month or two to straighten everything out. Until then I have no clue what my routine is going to look like. More will be revealed.

I have been trying to spend a little less time and energy on FaceBook, and it has been working. I am working on putting more discipline in my life, and FB is a perfect place to start. It's been a tiring week (moving especially), and I hope to be charged back up real soon.

A Night at the Coloseum

Field trip day for my writing class. We are taking a tour of the central branch of the Vancouver Public Library. www.vpl.ca

It's A Gas in Gastown.

The Evil of Suffering

It is said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions

"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival." - Winston Churchill

Sometimes I find myself wishing that certain aspects of reality didn't exist. That the way it is just isn't so. But it is what it is. Regardless of how much I bitch and moan about all the things I don't like and refuse to accept as part of the reality I exist in.

Eastcide

Some interesting synchronicity happening within my perception. Ironic would be neither inaccurate nor inappropriate in describing the latest episode.

I live and work in Vancouver's Downtown Eastside (DTES). It is a distinct and unique neighborhood. There really is no other place quite like it. It is also quite notorious.

A Victim of Fate

No Matter how Afraid you are, you must keep going

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." - Thomas Merton

Balance is easy when life is going smoothly. It's when things get bumpy that it becomes more challenging to stay balanced and poised. The unknown can also add a level of difficulty. When I believe know exactly what is happening and what will happen I can relax and not have to worry or be afraid. Worry and fear more often impede performance than boost it.

"Definition of a victim: a person to whom life happens." - Peter McWilliams 

The Fruit of Balance

now what?

Balance, peace, and joy are the fruit of a successful life. It starts with recognizing your talents and finding ways to serve others by using them. - Thomas Kinkade

I really like that quote. It jarred my perspective on balance. I had always thought of it as a prerequisite for a successful life - the root, not the fruit. I can see now that balance is an end more than a means (not that it ever "ends").

Which becomes increasingly difficult to achieve and maintain as I set my sights higher. I know I have been struggling to maintain my "balance" over the past week. So many new variables introduced into the daily rhythm of my life. Death & destruction, new teeth, back in school (after nearly 20 years), and a new laptop have all contributed towards making this a challenging week.

Toothless Wander

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. - William Arthur Ward

(I wrote this last night in my writing class so the time-frame is off by a day)

I am feeling a little off-center. I seem to have misplaced my comfort zone. I received my new teeth yesterday. I find myself wondering "whose mouth am I wearing?" Immediately upon leaving the dentists a good friend of mine took me out for breakfast at a near-by greasy spoon. I hadn't had a good "breakfast special" in a while so I was really looking forward to it. But the new mouth made enjoying the meal very difficult. Speaking was as difficult as chewing. I really wanted to take them out but I need to get used to them and chewing my food was a big reason for getting them - besides I paid good money for 'em so they are staying in! But it was awkward and uncomfortable and not at all as enjoyable as a nice greasy breakfast should be. The rest of the day was a real struggle to not just pull them out, but leave them in I did. Bedtime was a relief as I finally took them out as per the doctor's instructions (Ya I know he's a dentist but I love him and he's Doc to me).

Making A Difference.

FROM WIKIPEDIA
"By its very nature, the Fourth Way is not for everyone. Gurdjieff said that the so-called "secret knowledge" of his transformational system is not "hidden", but that most people are simply not interested. Gurdjieff referred to those capable of receiving the work as "five of twenty of twenty" - only twenty per cent of all people ever think seriously about higher realities. Of these, only twenty per cent ever decide to do anything about it. And of these, only five per cent ever actually get anywhere, or one in five hundred"

Is it wrong to give money to the homeless?

How do you know the person is homeless? What are you giving them the money for? Are you paying them for being homeless? To make yourself feel better for having "made a difference"? Or simply to help another human being?

Rebirth Through Horror

‎"This deed [the hero-quest] accomplished, life no longer suffers hopelessly under the terrible mutilations of ubiquitous disaster, battered by time, hideous throughout space; but with its horror visible still, its cries of anguish still tumultuous, it becomes penetrated by an all-suffusing, all-sustaining love, and a knowledge of its own unconquered power." - Joseph Campbell

As I meet the day anew I cannot help but to have an entirely new perspective on this quote.

Yesterday I was all to close to a stabbing and a suicide by jumping. I didn't actually witness either incident. But the timing was pretty tight and I did witness the resulting mess both times. Seeing such ugliness puts the beauty of creation into it's proper perspective.

Out of Sync

 “We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations" - Charles R. Swindoll


Feeling a little off stride today. Witnessing death is a little unbalancing. I will use this opportunity to regain my equilibrium and focus. The subjects I had planned to write about will happen eventually, but not today. I will just have to roll with it for now.

Something to Smile For

Very awkward. That is how I would describe my mouth right now. I finally received my new teeth this morning. It's going to take some getting used to.  I need to relearn how to speak again. And eating...

It's a bit of a pain. I know that once I get used to it eating will be better. For one thing, it was my upper front teeth that I was missing, which means that I can once again bite things. I am really looking forward to corn-on-the-cob, and unsliced apples.

Coincidental Optimist

It is such a complex matter we live within, it is impossible to track logic and decision making really, so therefore each choice can actually only be seen as coincidence. - Alva Noto 

My motto in life has for a long time been "if you believe it, it's true!" Since I believe it, it is in fact true. Since that is the lense through which I see the world, I am continuously witnessing more evidence to support my belief. I really think being anything other than optimistic as being stupid (sorry all you pessimists, but since I believe you are stupid it is therefore true - to me). Unless you happen to be quite lazy. In that case being pessimistic is just being realistic in evaluating your chances of getting anything done without actually getting off your ass.

Synchronicity

How do I know that God speaks to me through coincidence? I don't. I don't know that God speaks to me. I don't know that God speaks. I don't know God. I don't know anything at all.

Entitlement

"the face of God is the face that is before you: your friend, a stranger, whomever." - Joseph Campbell speaking of the Gnostic Message (via James Joyce)

There has been some awesome discussions going on at Joseph Campbells FaceBook page. Since my last post was so much work I may as well blog it, ;) here goes....

And The Winner is...

gridlock on the the knight st bridge

An awesome time was had by all is the unanimous verdict. Everybody is still too giddy to bitch about how heinous the gridlock is. Quite a few of the folks here say this was their first time on a go-kart, and how surprized they are at how fun it was. I am sure that I heard "the most fun in my life" more than once.

A Night At The Races

TBC Indoor Track
www.tbcir.ca

Better 2 Hours Late than ?

Leo finally showed up. Then we made various stops. Prebooked reservations and avoiding rush hour traffic are not concepts he has a strong grasp of.

Traffic was gridlocked on Knight st so he tried an alternate route. At least that's my theory for what we are doing. Other theories include: "breaking in the new tires", "testdriving the GPS on his iPhone" and "preplanning his Christmas Lights tour".

http://ferenczyram.blogspot.com

-- Sent from my palm Pre

Interuptions

Speaking of filmwork, these guys have been filming across the street from my work all summer. I believe it is a TV Show called "Life, Inerrupted". I could be wrong.

V for Vancouver

I know what they were filming. It's the new television series"V". I remember the movie and the original series. I think there was a couple mini-series as well. I believe there were even some comic books. It's a franchise which I never got into, which I think is true for a lot of people.

I wish them luck. I would like to see them around town for the next few years, especially without Battlestar Galactica, and less Stargate shows. I haven't seen Smallville around for awhile either. Are they still on the air or did they relocate I wonder? I still see lots of filming going on, but I hear the industry has slowed down a bit.

http://ferenczyram.blogspot.com

-- Sent from my palm Pre

A NY Minute

Walking home from the skytrain when I came across this NYC taxi-cab. That fare has gotta hurt...

Probably filming something, probably something sci-fi...

http://ferenczyram.blogspot.com

-- Sent from my palm Pre

Campus Life

I really love Vancouver. It has so much going for it. Living in the heart fo Gastown doesn't hurt. The women here are gorgeous! Especially downtown. The night life down here is quite vibrant, although that means nothing to me since I grew out of that stuff years ago, I still think it's cool and always appreciate the extra effort the ladies put into themselves before coming down.

Spent a few hours tonite on the campus out at UBC. Didn't take me long to remember why I like school so  much...

Back To School

My face feels funny. At least I can feel it now. I went to the dentist this morning for what I hope is my very last filling, ever. I'm sure that a significant portion of the few teeth I have remaining have been sculpted and those few segments of natural enamel will be maintained properly. That's my intention at least. I hope I've finally learned the importance of oral hygene.... I get my dentures next week. My dentist covered most of the costs. You're awesome Shawn!

Labour Day

Interesting that after 13 days in a row my first day off is Labour Day. I keep forgetting it's not Sunday today, not that you can tell. I am really enoying doing nothing. Which is also what I mostly do at work. Amazing how tiring doing nothing can be.

Why I Love My (crappy) Job

As I continue to decline "better" employment opportunities, I can't help but appreciate the job I already have. I could easily argue that it is shittiest job I have ever had. Extremely low pay. Long hours. Dealing with too many difficult people. Cleaning toilets. And plenty more excuses to hate my job if I want to look for them.

Still Struggling

Education comes from within; you get it by struggle and effort and thought. - Napoleon Hill 

I have been struggling for at least the last the last month with just what to do with this blog. My primary purpose for doing this blog was to write. Just write. The topic and subject material were immaterial. I have long heard that the trick to becoming a writer is to write. Starting up a blog and committing myself to it seemed like a good way to get myself to write. And it has worked in that regard.

A Change in Direction

I have been having difficulty finding enough time for even one post a week on this blog. There are a number of reasons for this. Desire and opportunity would be the most significant. Opportunity because I am quite busy. Mainly doing other writing (and reading). A bit of email. Too much FaceBook. Lots of forums and a few community sites I have been getting involved with. And a couple of other blogs, both of which I write to more frequently than this one.

How you doin?

I'm sure that most people who have been at least a little aware of pop-culture over the last decade recognize the phrase in the title. It is the catch-phrase of Joey from the once popular sit-com Friends. The show turned what was once a common greeting into a "pick-up" line, a come-on. A line of dialogue used in flirtation. I find this line, and the way it's meaning has transformed, to be quite illuminating.

Foul Language

"Cherish that which is within you, and shut off that which is without; for much knowledge is a curse." — Zhuangzi

In what way could knowledge be a curse? As I had mentioned earlier what we think we know is actually what we believe. We rarely put conscious thought and effort into choosing our beliefs, and fail to realize how much power we surrender by not being more careful in what we believe. When i start believing that bad things are going to happen, or believe that I can't accomplish something, because I know that's just the way the world is, I have cursed my self. I have turned away from my destiny and chained myself to my (self-imposed) fate. I create my fate through my beliefs, and embrace my destiny by exercising conscious choice.

Focus Determination

"Aim at the sun and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if you had aimed at an object on a level with yourself." — F. Hawes

It seems I have been drifting a bit lately. Focus has been a challenge to maintain. Sometimes it seems like my drive and direction is unstoppable and extremely focused. At other times it is weak and all over the place. Why this is so can be difficult to determine. I have found that the best method for finding a workable solution is to determine the problem first, then to shift my focus towards finding a solution.

focus - n. a central point, as of attraction, attention, or activity; v. to concentrate: origin L: fireplace, hearth

Status Report

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." — Bernard Meltzer

Some times, life just happens. So much has happened in the past few weeks. My recovery has really been challenged. I've had a minor slip i guess. Started smoking again, a little. I'm battling though. I guess I need to surrender again (surrender means not having to fight any more).

Recovery Dictionary

"By studying the principles of symbolism we can learn not to be unconsciously influenced by language, and in this way can escape a host of erroneous notions."— Bertrand Russell

This is my online Recovery Dictionary. It is a work in progress. Each word will link to the essay in which it appeared, or was most prominent in the case of words which have been in more than one essay. I am a firm believer in the power of language and by extension, belief. I am learning to be more mindful of my thoughts and beliefs, and I have found that actually choosing what specific words mean to me to be a powerful tool in my recovery. It is my goal to continuously update this particular page with each new essay. I hope to be up to the challenge, as I already have some difficulty meeting my current goal of six posts per month. It will be fun to try at the very least.

Positive Influence

"It takes tremendous discipline to control the influence, the power you have over other people's lives." — Clint Eastwood

I find that sometimes it can be difficult to know when I am struggling in the right direction. I need to remember that I am struggling with my recovery, against my disease, my addiction. Sometimes I forget who the enemy is, and who my allies are. When it comes to picking my allies, I do have a choice. I have to use caution and discretion when exercising this power, this power of choice. The people I surround myself with are the bastions of my recovery, my front line defense against relapse. Especially while I am still fairly early in my recovery. I must never forget how susceptible I still am to the influence of those around me, whether overt or covert.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." -- Bernard Meltzer.

Freedom Power

Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. — Napoleon Bonaparte

I was recently asked to come up with one word which I felt best described how I felt about "power". The word I chose was "choice". I believe power is about service. Power is meant to be used in the service of others. That is a positive use of power, power put to "good use". Unfortunately, in recent history what we witness most, what we are most aware of is power being put to use for selfish ends, power put to "bad" use. This is generally the power of coercion, not what can I do FOR you, but what I can do TO you. Many people I talk to about power will talk about it's coercive aspects. About getting others to do what they don't really want to do themselves (what nobody really wants to do, and what usually benefits only a few people the most). They think that by having great power they will no longer have to clean their own toilets. Answer their own phone. For some people having power means being able to do and have whatever they want.

choice - the right, power, or opportunity to choose; option:

Destiny Manifest

"Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny." — Frank Mckinney Hubbard

I recently asked a wise friend of mine what the opposite of control was. His answer, although it caught me off guard, upon further reflection made perfect sense. Serenity. When I'm in control (or trying to be) I don't have time to be serene. Not to mention the fact that my attempts at control (especially over events and people) will tend to meet with frustration (if I am honest with myself and not in denial). With enough coercion and manipulation I can exercise some control over others, but such behavior is definitely not conducive to serenity.

control - to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command; to hold in check; curb.

Be Humble or Be Humbled

"A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." — Benjamin Franklin

Every day I learn a deeper appreciation of humility. As a spiritual principal it is vital to my recovery. I feel it is the foundation. Which makes sense when I realize that the root of the word comes from "earth". One meaning of humility is "down to Earth". A healthy sense of humility keeps me grounded. Humility is essential if I am to truly know myself, who I really am. Without it I start to believe I am my "stuff", my experiences, even the opinions I or others may on occasion hold about me. None of these things are me (good or bad). Like Ben said, once we strip all the extra non-self stuff away, there isn't a whole lot left. Knowing who I am allows me to be comfortable in my own skin. This frees me from the obsession to use - anything. As an addict I like to use anything I can to distract me from feeling. Feeling anything really. Or just being in the moment, in and with myself.

"Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all." — William Temple

Surrender to Serenity

“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”

I seem to be finding life rather calm and peaceful nowadays. Tranquility is not that difficult for me to find me at this time. I am not actually working at a job, but focusing full-time on me. That would seem to help keep stress to a minimum. But I think the key to my serenity is more than just being out of the "rat-race". I am only able to do this because I have made a decision to let go of any attachment or desire for material things at this time, and leave the accumulation of "stuff" to a later date (if ever). This is for me a result of learning gratitude and humility.

Gratefully Accepting Life

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus

I finally escaped the city. For the first three decades of my life, I had never spent the May long-weekend in the city. As a child it was a weekend to go camping with my family. As a teenager it became May two-four, and it was a weekend of unsupervised partying. As an adult that theme continued, but not necessarily with my chosen friends, since I spent all the summers of my twenties planting trees in the spring. For the last decade I have lived in Vancouver, and never left the lower mainland. I was able to get up the coast (to Gibson's Landing) for the long weekend for the 30th NA Spring Clean (the Dirty Thirty). The weather pretty much sucked the whole weekend. I didn't know that many people. The night sky wasn't as awesome as I hoped due to not being far enough away from Van. It could have been easy to be resentful and not all that pleased with it all. But what would be the point of being unhappy with my actions?

Patient Practice

“Practice is everything. This is often misquoted as Practice makes perfect." — Periander

An important part of my day is my daily forms. In the mornings (upon awakening) and in the evening (right before bed), and occasionally somewhere in between, I practice my forms. Empty hand movement sets I learned a couple decades ago. In Wing Chun, the style of Kung Fu that I practice, the entire art is contained in three forms. At this point in my life, I have been practicing them for so long, that doing so has become an ingrained habit that would take more work than it's worth to stop. Besides, I still learn from them so why would I want to?

A Positive Balance

"We must learn our limits. We are all something, but none of us are everything." — Blaise Pascal

One of the most important priorities for me right now in my recovery is balance. In the sense of feeling calm and centered, and also in the sense of having all the ingredients of my life in the proper proportions. In how I spend my time and energy. I have found that the more clear I am on my priorities and intentions, the easier it is for me to know what to do to work towards a healthier sense of balance. However, it seems that the more clear in my mind these goals appear, the more life throws at my way to challenge me in achieving equilibrium. It's as if the destination becomes both more clear and further away at the same time.

The Magic Word

“Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen.” -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Sometimes we find ourselves wishing that magic was real. I think a big reason we don't believe in it is because of an association the word has for many of us with evil and show biz. But magic doesn't have to have anything to do with evil forces or entertainment. I look around me and I see a world full of magic.

Belief in Reality

“When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.” - Lewis Carroll

It is my belief that suffering is the inevitable and unavoidable result of the clash between what we think (or believe) reality is (or should be) and what it actually and truly is. This opens up a huge can of worms that philosophers have been arguing over for millennia. I'm just going to focus on the words, and what others have come to accept as their meanings. I leave most of the philosophizing to the philosophers. I thought it would interesting to start with looking at the meaning of belief, and it's related words (those which define the word itself).

Starting at the Beginning

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

I am back here again, ready to try and stick to it a bit longer this time. I truly do believe that I have finally completed all the field research I will ever need. Not to mention how dangerous "fieldwork" can be. I am not getting any younger. I am now ready to put all of that hard-won experience to work. I don't expect to be terribly productive at first as I get up to speed and build up some momentum, relearn my web skills and whatnot. Hopefully it will become a regular occurrence for me to get something up every week. That is my goal over the next month or so. I have only started my redesign on this site, and have only kept a couple of my old posts. I will likely be going in a little different direction this time around.

Wing Chun Kuen

I still haven't found the time yet to finish any new material - but I'm working on it. So here is another essay from a few years ago. I wrote this off the top of my head, and take full responsibility for any factual errors. It's a little introduction to the Chinese Martial Art known as Wing Chun Kuen. I've studied it for over twenty years now, and have picked up a little bit of knowledge on this subject which is so dear to my heart. All opinions and errors are my own.

Demons of the Abyss

For my first essay, I am using an old letter I sent to a good friend of mine a few years ago. I am sure I can come up with more original material soon enough. I really like this essay, and I feel it is worth sharing a little further. I wrote it while still in active addiction, but I like it all the same. It is about our little inner negative voices, the ones that call us worthless and a failure. I like to refer to them as demons.