A Victim of Fate

No Matter how Afraid you are, you must keep going

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." - Thomas Merton

Balance is easy when life is going smoothly. It's when things get bumpy that it becomes more challenging to stay balanced and poised. The unknown can also add a level of difficulty. When I believe know exactly what is happening and what will happen I can relax and not have to worry or be afraid. Worry and fear more often impede performance than boost it.

"Definition of a victim: a person to whom life happens." - Peter McWilliams 



Even when I believe that there is no danger whatsoever new situations and circumstances can be a source of anxiety. I may desire a certain outcome but lack confidence that it will happen.  I may start worrying about what can go "wrong".

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it." - Jean de La Fontaine 

At this point the most useful and meaningful thing I can tell myself is a reminder of just what it means to worry. To worry is pray for the worst to happen. Worrying focuses the mind on solutions I find unpalateable.

I prefer to focus my mind on solutions and outcomes that I actually prefer. I have had past success in achieving objectives and goals that I had set for myself. There is no reason to suspect I can't continue doing so.

"A consistent soul believes in destiny, a capricious one in chance." - Benjamin Disraeli 

It is not my destiny to always fail at everything I try, but it can become my fate if I allow it to. Neither am I destined to be ruled by fear of the unknown - or even the known.

I may fear the unknown, but I do know fear, all too well. We've had an intimate relationship for way too long. It knows all my darkest secrets, and my weakest vulnerabilities. It's only scary when I pretend I don't know fear. Then I am in trouble. When I admit to myself my knowledge of fear, my true knowledge acquired through that greatest of teachers (and match-makers) experience, then I take away it's power. To experience something is to know it. I may not know the unknown, but I do know the fear it brings up.

It's like you crazy brother-in-law who's had a dozen DUI convictions and totalled a half-dozen cars. You don't let him borrow your because you "know" him. You refuse to because you KNOW him. If that makes sense....

"Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." - Miguel Angel Ruiz 

If fear is, or has been, holding me back, then I need to unknow everything I know which is causing the fear. I believe it is how we handle our fear that determines our level of participation in life. I am afraid when I know (or strongly suspect) something bad is going to happen. If I really do have solid reasons for suspecting this, then I need to prepare for or try and avoid it as best as I can, and then deal with it.

Sometimes bad shit happens to good friggen people. Having Life knock you down on your ass does not make you a victim (even in your worst case scenario). Staying knocked down - that is what makes you a victim.

This was not quite the essay on being a victim I meant to write. So there will be more.

"A great revolution in just one single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a society and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of humankind." - Daisaku Ikeda 

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-- Sent from my palm Pre